Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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