i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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