I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
And then my night got REAL pukey
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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