I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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