I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
