I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Randomize
