i think i have herpe
just one?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
