I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
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Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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