Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.

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  (805): Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order. http://tfl.nu/u5vw
  Replies (16) Good night (3989) Bad night (748)
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  (661): View more from California

  I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.

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  (661): I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle. http://tfl.nu/l8mr
  Replies (16) Good night (4926) Bad night (1183)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask

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  (647): I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask http://tfl.nu/g6ag
  Replies (10) Good night (1631) Bad night (3013)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.

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  (651): We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots. http://tfl.nu/8ot5
  Replies (3) Good night (2104) Bad night (1243)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?

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  (304): Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps? http://tfl.nu/jolf
  Replies (13) Good night (4371) Bad night (1130)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss

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  (506): i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss http://tfl.nu/l8g6
  Replies (8) Good night (735) Bad night (2966)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster

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  (971): Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster http://tfl.nu/bpg2
  Replies (2) Good night (924) Bad night (1310)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat

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  (902): They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat http://tfl.nu/tmda
  Replies (3) Good night (881) Bad night (537)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.

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  (229): If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month. http://tfl.nu/wxst
  Replies (3) Good night (1046) Bad night (535)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?

  (813): View more from Florida

  Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  Stop reading WebMD high.

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  (813): Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around? (813): Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid? (1-813): Stop reading WebMD high. http://tfl.nu/y2j5
  Replies (6) Good night (1225) Bad night (455)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me

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  (860): I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me http://tfl.nu/egc4
  Replies (4) Good night (733) Bad night (350)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.

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  (843): A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's. http://tfl.nu/m6a2
  Replies (2) Good night (563) Bad night (400)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.

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  (480): And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold. http://tfl.nu/2ktu
  Replies (5) Good night (323) Bad night (646)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me

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  (519): I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me http://tfl.nu/9pcd
  Replies (2) Good night (311) Bad night (402)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis

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  (224): Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis http://tfl.nu/y26w
  Replies (5) Good night (462) Bad night (269)

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