I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance