I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".