The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.