Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.