He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
