what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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