Dude i fell asleep inside of her
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle