Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That was before I lit my hair on fire
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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