bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
smell my finger.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
