New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
