you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
