girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
