We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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