I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
