Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
