I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
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Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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