It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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