I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm sobbing to NWA
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
