Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize