Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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