I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
