It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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