My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It was confusing and full of hummus
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
