you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
