one two three fourrrrnication!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
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He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
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I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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