i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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