i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Swine flu is the new snow day.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
be right there i have to get my cape
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
