my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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