I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
