i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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