OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
