my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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