I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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