My friends, they love my intelligence
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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