4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
