i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
