I think my vagina is haunted
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
