I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
