I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Still dying that you shit outside
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
