Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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