she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
