I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
