this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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