I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
where am i from again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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