I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
