Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
