Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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