i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize