Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i drank out of a bidet.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
