Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
