haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
