i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I know her cup size but not her name....
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