i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
