My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
