we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
