it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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