either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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