what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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