Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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