I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
two words...techno handjob
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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