My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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