i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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