I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
